HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF AGAIN WITHOUT GETTING A DIVORCE?!

 

Have you lost yourself in your relationship or your marriage? You gave up on your hobbies. You stopped going to the hair salon and hanging out with your friends. Do you love what you have built through your marriage, but your spouse has tried to destroy you emotionally to control you? Many housewives have not been in love or physically attracted to their husbands for years. Many are stuck in marriages or living together relationships. They do not want to go through the division of the assets or the co-parenting gymnastics. Unless you are stuck in an abusive relationship, this article is not for you. If you are being abused, start planning your exit. Still, even while trying to get out, regaining self-love is one of the most important steps. 

Do you know that no one in your house will get hurt if you take the day off from cleaning your house and spend the whole morning at the gym? The first step is to reconnect with your village. Your relatives, your friends, your church. If you do not have a village to reconnect to, I suggest you start building one. Become a friendly neighbour, join a local community or an NGO! People who have no ties to your spouse and build a supportive community around you. Befriend the parents at your kids' school. Make sure you visit these people. You need to assess environments where you could drop the kids off for a few hours or the weekend so you can have time for yourself.

Secondly, you need to look for the slightest form of income, which will help you get extra money that you will keep for yourself and tell no one about it. It will be dedicated to you having fun.  As women we usually prioritize finances in direction of our household needs. This secret income will be a secret between you and the person you are aiming to become. Designer bag, a pair of heels, spoiling yourself again, buying yourself flowers. Remove expections from your spouse and do it for yourself.

The next step is to stop cleaning after the other grown adult in your house.  When it comes to women, stop picking up your husband's dirty underwear.  If it means you have to sleep in a corner of the house to avoid being in a disgusting, messy bedroom, do it. You had tried to make him keep the room tidy and the house clean, but you ended up cleaning after him. Leave the room. The price is high to love yourself again.  You are not doing this to teach your spouse a lesson. You are doing this to regain your self-worth. Stop everything you have been doing for your husband that a mother is supposed to do for her little boy. 

Find an emotional lover, maybe two or three if possible. Better if they are long distance, so that it remains purely about you venting or receiving emotional support or male attention. You can also do so by being more present on social media communities. Being starved of attention can be depressing, so get some from the communities you build around you. If you have not felt desired and it has affected your self-love, do find an emotional lover. Someone who will remind you how sexy and beautiful you are. 

Last, remember to include fitness and beauty. Create time to take care of your body. If you are always being interrupted at home during your beauty routine, go and do it at a friend's house. Remember why building a community around you is crucial in the process of loving yourself. If you are in an abusive relationship, your progress will make your abuser angry, but he might refrain from attacking you because of your new village. He might issue threats, but keep your plan in mind. If you are just living with a spouse who is taking you for granted, the choice is theirs. Remember that most of the time, relationship partners or spouses who have led you to become a shadow of yourself will try to insert themselves in your new village. Don't let them in. That village is yours and your children's. It is the threat over their head that you have a strong support system. 

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